


Damage Case

by ukenceto



Series: Love beyond the bones [19]
Category: Gears of War (Video Games)
Genre: Background Relationships, Chronic Pain, Injury Recovery, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukenceto/pseuds/ukenceto
Summary: Fahz and JD have a slow day in, and some much overdue conversation.Set shortly before the Vasgar mission.
Relationships: Fahz Chutani/James "JD" Fenix, James "JD" Fenix/Delmont "Del" Walker, mentions of
Series: Love beyond the bones [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1025247
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Damage Case

***

* * *

“Fahz, are you ok?” Setting down the last of the groceries in the small kitchenette, JD glanced over to the bed.

Almost ready to have a pillow, or in the worst case, a sock thrown at him for maybe having interrupted something, he frowned when he got no response whatsoever.

Walking over, he sat on the edge of the bed carefully.

“You asleep?” He asked again, this time with a softer tone. They had the day off, which was a rare enough occasion since the whole Swarm business had begun. But even then, he wasn’t used to seeing Fahz sleeping through nearly the entire day.

“’M fine, just resting my eyes.” Fahz finally answered, in a somehow strained tone – which gave JD a pause.

“You sure?” Placing a hand on his shoulder gently, JD considered his options. He wouldn’t describe Fahz as moody usually, and at least since they’d started sharing a dorm there hadn’t been much antagonism between them. Running missions side by side helped, and well, some other things too… But JD still found himself apprehensive to unknowingly cross an unseen boundary.

Fahz seemed like the only person who still tolerated him, for once, and he didn’t want to lose even that. Even if he could argue that maybe it was well-deserved, with all he’d done. Or failed to do.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then.” He said when he got no further response. Getting up, he paused for a moment, before speaking again. “Got you some of those fruits you liked, the orange ones. Keep forgetting the name.”

Chuckling at himself for the memory lapse, since he’d seen the fruit’s label less than an hour ago, he went back to the kitchenette and opened one of the paper bags.

“Persimmons?” There was definitely more alertness in Fahz’s tone now, and JD even saw him take a peek in his direction over the blanket. 

“Yep, those.” Grabbing a couple so that he could wash them, JD took a second to observe the bright, supple fruit in his hand, one so unfitting the cold winter outside. The basket of them had instantly drawn his gaze as he’d walked through the market on his way back from the hospital. “I remember you liking them back in the Academy’s mess hall.”

“I wouldn’t mind some, if you’re already peeling them up.” Fahz said, then huffed in realization. “You remember what I was eating in the Academy? Creep.”

“Hey, you literally sat a table across from us every day.” JD knew Fahz was joking, but still felt a flush creeping up his face, because well. He had looked. And maybe not only because the table was directly in front of his gaze. Peeling the fruit, he hoped the blush wasn’t too obvious. “Plus you’d have those every day as long as they were around. Pretty sure you got in a fight over someone picking the last one once.”

“That one was a memorable tussle, wasn’t it.” Admittedly, Fahz had made quite the reputation for himself in the Academy, but this was just one of the many instances one could call his readiness to brawl somewhat ridiculous. “And yeah, you got me. ‘S my fave fruit actually.”

“Pity it’s only available for such a short time then.” Picking a couple of forks and the bowl with the cut fruit, JD took it to the bed, this time taking a more comfortable seat against the headboard; since Fahz still didn’t seem intent on getting up. “Well, dig in.”

He watched as Fahz finally moved, a pained expression crossing his features momentarily.

“On a second thought, wouldn’t mind a heating patch to go with that.” Fahz glanced at him, before sighing. “It’s my back. Been a rough few days, and this doesn’t handle them very well, not for long at least.”

He patted at his leg over the covers, looking away.

“Ooh.” They’d never talked in depth about Fahz’s prosthetic, but it didn’t take a genius to realize it must’ve had its setbacks. “Do we even have one though?”

“Yeah, it’s in the medkit. I put several in there a couple of weeks back.” Fahz took the bowl from him and lifted his brows for a moment, before smirking. “Come on then, be a good boy and fetch it for me, will ya?”

“Okay, okay.” Blushing again at the taunt, since he distinctly recalled the last time Fahz had said those words, in an entirely different context, JD was glad for the excuse to turn away. He wouldn’t hear the end of it if Fahz saw him practically glowing red because of his words.

Going to rummage about in the supply cabinet, JD realized that he hadn’t even thought to look through the medkit in a long while. Since Fahz moved in, he’d just accepted that his stuff was… well, more or less everywhere. If he didn’t recognize something, he assumed it was his; though they’d had a few wardrobe malfunctions despite that approach.

Made sense that he’ll keep things where they’d both find them if needed however.

It reminded him of Del again. Of how organized he’d been, always checking things and putting stuff in its proper place. If JD ever lost anything, he could just ask him where it was. As Baird had liked to joke, together they almost formed a fully functioning adult.

But Del had moved on, or so it seemed.

Even if in so many ways, he never could fully leave; not JD’s heart for sure. Not the city, especially now, or the army. JD still felt heartbroken over the fact that he hadn’t seen him in the hospital, but most of all because they didn’t even get to talk things through.

Maybe Del was in his right to not want to see him.

JD had let him live in a lie, hidden the man he really was from him. He’d seen Del’s trust in him shatter the moment he learned of Settlement Two, the truth that JD had kept from him for so long. How could he ever expect to have his forgiveness?

Returning with the heating patch in his hand, he tried not to let the feeling of emptiness, of estrangement overwhelm him again. He already had a well of guilt deep enough to drown a man, but had to keep going despite of it all.

“Oi, don’t be looking so glum now. It’s nothing I ain’t well used to already.” Fahz had noticed still, though he’d mistaken the reason for JD’s expression. Still, he didn’t feel like correcting him.

“How often does it happen? Can you even get out of bed now?” It made a lot more sense then, why it seemed like Fahz hadn’t moved since JD had left in the morning. Usually, he went with him for the medical check-ups too; but not this time. He’d mumbled something about being sleepy, about JD going alone this time.

He hadn’t minded; at this point, he was healed, and only his arm still needed some more months under the protective stim sleeve. He’d passed all his tests and was back on active duty for a while now.

“I can, though it would hurt like hell.” Putting the now empty bowl of fruit on the bedside cabinet, Fahz turned with his back towards him, lifting his shirt up. “And it happens sometimes. Keeping in shape keeps it at bay, relatively. But you can’t expect constantly overworked muscles to comply forever.”

“So you’ve told me.” Peeling the side of the heating patch, JD recalled their gym sessions, the weeks following his awakening from the coma. Honestly, if Fahz hadn’t been there, guiding and in some cases, reprimanding him, JD knew he’d have hurt himself quite a lot of times. In his urge to get back on track, but also to punish himself for his choices. For making it through when others had not, because of his own choice, again. “Over here alright then?”

He placed his hand on the right side of Fahz’s waist, noting how warm and smooth the skin felt under his palm. Before he could think better of it, he caressed Fahz’s flank gently, fingers traveling up under his shirt.

“Yeah, there, not higher.” Fahz said with a small laugh, capturing JD’s hand with his. “Tickles.”

“That’s knowledge I’ll be keeping for the future.” He pressed the heating patch against the right spot, making sure there were no creases. “Will it help?”

“Some.” Sighing, Fahz rolled on his back again, but kept his hold on JD’s hand. “Rest ’s what I need. I’m not even sure one day would cut it this time.”

“Then I’ll talk to the doc about it, and fix up the squad schedule.” They had rotation shifts, but usually Fahz and JD were always around at the same time. Initially, it had been the First Minister’s request, interestingly enough.

JD however hadn’t taken it for what it was in her eyes – a punishment for being too bullheaded and disobeying her direct order not to use the Hammer of Dawn. Fahz might’ve been many things, but when push came to shove, he made a great Gear. And he was only getting better with each fight against the Swarm they undertook.

The two had chosen to stick together even after Marcus had prompted her to cut him some slack and allow him to request his own squad members.

He hadn’t dared request for Del or Kait however.

The two ran missions together now, Fahz had told him that he’d helped them do evacuations of Outsider settlements while JD had been in a coma; but neither had exchanged more than few words with him since.

JD knew everyone was busy as hell, and yet also found himself reluctant to approach them when he did have time off on base. What could he even say? Where would he begin?

There were moments when an apology just couldn’t cut it.

He’d heard the gossip among other Gears too. The way they saw him now. The son of a war hero, yet all he did was end up costing people’s lives.

A few weeks ago he’d barely gotten out of an ugly fight, a bunch of Gears from Lizzie’s old squad deciding to give him a piece of their mind one late evening. He was quite certain he’d been back in the intensive care if Fahz hadn’t passed by in that moment, the two of them evening out the odds of the brawl enough to get the perpetrators to scram.

But the bad taste of the meeting had lingered at the back of his throat, the resentment others had for him more palpable even than the pain of that day’s injuries.

“Best go talk to my da, he’s my doctor.” Fahz pulled at his arm lightly, and JD realized he’d been rather obviously lost in thought. “Been giving me notes of absence about this since I was in school too. Knows what to write in ‘em.”

“Okay.” Running his palm up Fahz’s forearm, then up to his bicep and shoulder, JD tugged at the hem of his shirt lightly. “Anything else I can do to help?”

“You wish, hell, I wish.” Chuckling, Fahz swatted at his arm lightly. “But it’s a no can do when ’m like that. Feels like someone wrung me out and put me up to dry.”

“Ouch.” Having become more or less accustomed to somewhat chronic pain in the past few months, JD found himself a lot more sympathetic of Fahz now than he’d ever been. He realized, probably neither he nor Del had ever really thought what it took for Fahz to match their scores in training, or on some parts, surpass them. “Can I at least offer a kiss to make it better then?”

“Sure, sap.” Despite the jab, Fahz was grinning, arm coming up to pull JD’s head down until they were face to face. “But if it does get better, you’re morally obliged to do that every time.”

“I take my duty seriously.” Smirking, JD pressed a small kiss at the edge of Fahz’s lips, then another one proper, finding himself as ever nearly giddy whenever he got to do that.

Most of the time, kissing between them had ended up with quite a lot more. But a part of him craved casual intimacy, and was ready to soak it up wherever Fahz offered; such as the few lazy afternoons they’d gotten so far, as if stolen away from a world which was torn by the reality of war.

Palm reaching to the side of Fahz’s face, he let their lips part only so that he can get to kiss him again, his other hand lightly caressing over his chest. Even if he couldn’t quite feel well because of the injury, he still sensed his warmth, his heartbeat.

Fahz tasted sweet, like the fruits he’d had.

“Come ‘ere, eh.” Fahz pulled at his waist, until JD took the hint and laid down next to him, pressing against his side. “How did it go today, at the hospital?”

“Like usual, really.” JD shrugged, moving a bit to get himself more comfortable, arm now resting over Fahz’s belly.

“Doc said anything on the nerve damage, is it healing?” Fahz had probably done more reading on his examinations than JD himself had, but he didn’t mind the extra attention. He’d realized it was one of the ways Fahz showed he cared.

“Said it should be fine now, but the pain’s still there.” Flexing his fingers a bit, JD leaned his head on Fahz’s shoulder.

“Told you that’s not necessarily there only because of the damage to the tissues.” Fahz had talked to him about lingering trauma, even procured a couple of books that JD had so far only managed to leaf through. But he’d gotten the idea.

“Let’s just give it some more time.” Hell, it wasn’t a conversation he’d prepared to have with his dad either, but Marcus had in fact come to him on his first evening out of the hospital. They’d had a long, cathartic night that probably involved more drinking than should’ve strictly been advisable.

But since then, JD had understood him much better. Understood himself, even. The things he’d done, the mistakes he’s made, his father had in turn. He’d failed to stop JD from repeating them, in one form of another, and JD had understood his intentions much too late.

He hadn’t found any blame or anger in Marcus that night, or since. They both had to live as the men they actually were now, not what anyone else believed them to be.

JD hadn’t wanted to talk to anybody about the deaths he felt responsible for, but his father’s presence had comforted him like he was a child again, afraid of thunder.

It told him he was still loved, despite everything. But everything didn’t magically go away either, as his body and mind kept reminding him.

“You should at least try to talk things out with Baird then, hmm?” Fahz nudged him slightly. “He’s your dad too after all, he can’t sulk forever.”

“It’s not sulking, he regrets listening to me. Blames himself too.” And that was another harsh reminder. Baird had almost made it a point to avoid him, and the look he had given JD when he’d gone to his lab once, had just made him turn away and leave on the spot. Unless he risked starting to cry in a way he hadn’t since he was little.

“Yeah, but that’s not a good enough reason to avoid your own child. What is he, five?” Huffing again, Fahz shook his head slightly. “When I cock-up, my ma would yell my ear off but she’d still hug me in the end. Even if she also swats me on the back of me head at the same time.”

“I wish things were that simple with us.” JD had gotten plenty of yelling in and out throughout the years, though looking back now, he couldn’t even remember what most of it had been about. And it was usually him and Marcus; Damon was always more level-headed, more prone to seeing JD’s point. Or at least trying to, and that’s why it felt like a sucker punch now, to have him respond in such a away.

“Nothin’ simple about my ma, ey—“ Fahz almost succeeded in keeping his tone serious “—but yeah, if you don’t figure something out with that stubborn bastard, I’m giving him a piece of my mind myself.”

“That’ll probably be a show worth seeing.” JD didn’t doubt Fahz was fully capable of giving his opinion regardless to whom, but doubted it would make things any better. “He too might be something I need to wait out on.”

“Eh, not to be souring the mood, but wouldn’t you rather not waste time being like that with each other? Just go have a proper conversation with the man.” Fahz seemed to think for a long moment, before continuing. “Could be saying the same about Del too.”

“A whole lot of conversations then.” JD had spent a lot of sleepless nights coming up with scenarios for those. “And what if they don’t listen?”

“They will. Yeah, you might not get a perfect reaction, but they should hear you out.” Sighing in exasperation, Fahz poked at his cheek lightly, as if to make a point. “It’s better than moping about it forever.”

“I’ll try.” He didn’t want to say when there was a right moment; since experience showed there never were such a thing in his case. “And someone’s grumpy today.”

“Nah, you ain’t seen grumpy. What I am, is in pain, need I remind you.”

That did gave JD a pause. Fahz always came about as quick-tempered, but now he began wondering how much of it had been other people throwing fuel in an already lit pyre.

“When we were in basic, you always fought with people.” JD began, trying to find the right words. Go about it the wrong way, and he felt Fahz would turn on his tough guy hide again. “I remember thinking you were self-centered, and abrasive. But I never thought on how you dealt with everything that was hard enough for us too.”

“I didn’t want you thinking on it, that’s why.” Fahz said with a shrug. “I’m me, and I chose to do it. I’m a gear as any other. I didn’t want anyone pitying me.”

“So you made sure to punch that out of them.” He recalled some of their training on actual rough terrain, the weeks they had to survive and trek through the wilderness, lugging around packs of equipment nearly as heavy as they were, all the while also covering their tracks. “I feel like several people from our class wouldn’t have made the cut if you weren’t there kicking their ass and dragging them up in the outlands mission. Beetle soup aside.”

“Hey, as much as you like telling that story, the beetles were accidental.” Fahz tightened his arm over JD’s shoulder at that, laughing a little. “And they’d best be grateful to me for doing it. I couldn’t get out of bed for a week after that.”

“But you made it through.” JD said after a while, running a finger over Fahz’s knuckles. “I think Del and I spent the week after soaking in a hot tub.”

“Ooh, that does help with the aches too.” Fahz made a low noise of appreciation, seemingly in agreement that hot tubs were surely a god’s gift to mankind. “You gotta talk to Del again. Hell, give him one sad look with those baby blues, he’ll cave right in.”

“Yeah, I may or may not have used that look one too many times when we were kids. Doesn’t always work now.” JD knew that for example his dads were near immune to it by now. Though Baird had personally always chalked it up to stubbornness on their side.

“Could be worth a try.” Fahz turned lightly, enough to meet his eyes. “If he’s on your mind so much, don’t you think you’re on his too?” 

“Do you really think that?” JD had spent all those months after Settlement Two dreading the moment Del would know the truth, and inevitably leave him. He’d grown to accept it was something that would happen. So when it did, he hadn’t even tried to stop him. 

“’course. You two were nigh inseparable all those years, obvious for anyone with eyes.” Fahz gave him a slight smirk at that. “Reckon he can’t give you up quite so easily.”

“I… Even if he doesn’t want me back, I want to know that he’s safe.” JD had felt anxious every time he checked the outbound mission log, knowing that Del was out there, and that he wasn’t by his side.

He’d always made sure to check the returns, if he himself was on a mission, or to wait near the helipad the rest of the times. Making sure that Del got back, that he wasn’t hurt.

“Then, let’s do that next time he’s on a mission.” Fahz said as if it was the simplest thing, and for a moment JD envied that mindset. “Don’t think he can complain about the help.”

“I doubt he’d be happy at ‘you’re stuck with us now’ sort of a reunion. You saw what happened at the Riftworm village.” When Fahz had first talked to him about Del, JD had found himself surprised. He’d expected jealousy perhaps, or indifference. But instead Fahz had offered understanding, and not only.

He knew that JD was in love with Del, but didn’t disregard what the two of them had now because of it either. It had given JD a few curious ideas, but those were far from able to see the light of day, for the foreseeable future at least. Maybe…

“We could be a bit more gallant about it this time, but yeah, that’s about the plan.” Fahz pulled the blanked up until it covered them both a bit better, and JD felt him relax some, tension seemingly ebbing away from his body. “Once I’m back on my feet, we’re doing something about it. ‘S decided.”

“Okay.” JD watched the room darken, the day now so much shorter in the grip of winter. Fahz had a point, and it was up to him to gather his wits about and act on it. “Thank you.”

“Nevermind.” Fahz’s voice was soft, without a hint of sleepiness. But they could rest like that, side by side, as long as he needed; JD found no desire within himself to move from the comfort of his embrace.

And for now, he didn’t have to.


End file.
